The Burning Issue

Published on 11/12/2001 Daily Egyptian (SIUC)

It ain't been my week. The coffeemaker at my house shot craps about midweek - anyone who knows me knows what kind of disaster that spelled. My daughter once accused me having brown blood cells in addition to the usual red and white. If I growled at anyone this week, I apologize. Best not to talk to me until I've had at least 300 milligrams of caffeine.

We got a new coffeemaker, and with cup in hand I started to comply with the City's wishes I do something with my truck. I had to get the transmission out and the vehicle off jacks by this morning, and running within a month. A stubborn bolt, a cheap ratchet and a cheater bar resulted in one destroyed ratchet. Truck - 1, Ozzie - 0.

It's times like this I turn to my old buddy R.J. Reynolds for a little comfort. Yep, I'm a smoker - one of "those" people. Even as I type this I have a cup of coffee next to the keyboard and a cigarette sending plumes of lovely blue-gray carcinogens drifting toward the ceiling. I'm told it's bad for the computer to smoke around it, but heck, if it doesn't hurt the kids, it can't hurt the computer, right?

I do most of my writing with a cigarette in the ashtray or hanging from my lips. It helps to have a puff when I get a little stuck. I suspect that more than a few smokers do their best writing when inspired while sucking on a burning white tube filled with dead leaves.

As if college wasn't already hard enough, the Residence Hall Association wants to make it harder by taking away that little bit of inspiration. Future tenants of the residence halls are likely to see their right to blaze up extinguished as the RHA presses toward smoke-free residence halls.

The RHA called the issue to a vote, and it was decided, 14 for the ban and six against. Well, that's after 4 members abstained from the vote. In a move that would have made Al Gore proud, those 4 votes were added to winning side.

RHA advisor Andy Morgan was quoted as saying, "You can't smoke anywhere else on campus, so why should you be able to smoke in the residence halls?"

I'm sure Andy meant this as a rhetorical question, but I have an answer for him. Simple, Andy, they don't live in the other buildings. Here's a tip for Andy: look up "home" in the dictionary. "A place where one lives; RESIDENCE."

Many have been the times I would have liked to blaze up during a dull lecture. It probably would have helped me stay awake. Certainly a smoke would have helped my score on a couple dozen exams over the years. But I am a guest in those classrooms and lecture halls. Forcing my habit on the other members of class would have been rude.

Forcing your lack of a habit on the residents would be just as rude.

Read further in the dictionary, Andy: "An environment affording happiness and security; a valued place considered to be a refuge."

My home is my place to relax, feel safe and do the things I cannot do in public. I can sit around in my underwear if I chose and scratch the places that itch without worrying about offending.

Declare the common areas smoke free. Ban smoking in the majority of the rooms if that is what the majority wants. But set aside some smoking rooms for those who do wish to smoke.

After all, smokers are a dying breed - they deserve a refuge.