Truck or Treat

Published on 11/05/2001 Daily Egyptian (SIUC)

The city of Carbondale came trick or treating at my house - but they didn't want candy. They want my truck.
It isn't much; a 1980 Dodge that definitely shows its years and mileage. I'm torn between letting them have it and trying to keep it. According to the tow notice on the windshield, the city decided it has to go because it's inoperable and unregistered. Apparently, that makes it an outlaw.

Ok, I was a little busy last April and didn't get the registration updated. I really don't have any excuse, just that I wasn't using the truck and didn't get around to it. Easy enough to fix; it's registered in Kentucky, so I made a visit to my parents and renewed it. I even paid the 28-cent late fee.

What hurts is the determination that it's inoperable. How do they know? They didn't try to start it - I had the keys in the house. They never asked me if it was inoperable before they slapped the notice on it. Frankly, they didn't even get the make right. Once I scrape their notice off, I could let them run around looking for a white Ford.

Perhaps the morning glory vines growing up over the grill fooled them. It's not inoperable - it's just a trellis for wildflowers.

What business is it of theirs anyway? It wasn't parked on the street; it was parked at the far end of my driveway, almost in the backyard. When I moved to Carbondale from De Soto it sat in front of my house for two months. Only the mailman complained; it made it difficult for him to get to my mailbox without backing up. Mailmen are not allowed to back up, apparently.

I moved it to the end of the driveway where it sat for another six months, ignored by everyone including the city.

Until last week. Someone obviously had too much time on his or her hands.

So now I'm stuck. The wife saw the notice and suddenly remembered I had a pickup sitting there. Now she wants it gone. Her and the city.

It's not inoperable, but it does have a few quirks. It uses a little transmission fluid. Well, more than a little. Some might say it uses a lot of transmission fluid. It took close to a case of transmission fluid to get it from De Soto to Carbondale.

All of a sudden it has become a priority to get it running and sell it. I figure I can get maybe $500 for it.

So, after renewing the registration, I fired it up and pulled it up onto a level part of the driveway. I jacked it up, put it on jack stands and started removing the transmission. Remember now, it's 20 years old, so some of the nuts and bolts are a bit rusted.

A bit rusted hell - they're practically welded in place. I've gone through a can and a half of penetrating oil and the transmission is maybe halfway out. With a little luck and a lot more WD-40, I should have the transmission out and in the shop by tomorrow afternoon. That leaves me two days before the city plans to haul it off.

Here's the funny part - now it IS inoperable. The first thing I had to remove in order to get the transmission out was the starter, so I can't even start the engine to prove it runs. Had I just let it go, I could have bought another case of transmission fluid and drove it to city hall. It would have left a trail of Dextron II between the house and city hall, but I could have proved it was a running vehicle. In trying to comply with the city's ordinance I've made it the very outlaw that the city accused it of being.

So Carbondale, if you want the truck, bring a jack. I'll let you know where to pick up the transmission.