What's that on your face?

Published on 10/10/2001 Daily Egyptian (SIUC)

My niece wants a gasmask.  I think I'll get her one.  If I can find it, I'd like to get her the whole chemical/biological suit.  She'll wear them, and it'll cut down on headaches for me.

I think I've mentioned my niece before - 17-years-old, blonde, tiny, and way too cute to let out in public without an armed escort. She's heard on the news about the big run on gasmasks across the country, and she wants to wear one just to make a fashion statement. I don't know what that statement is, but if it will keep some young Lothario's tongue out of her mouth, I'm up for it.

And that's about the only thing those masks are good for. I've worn them before, and I know how effective they can be. When I was in boot camp years ago, the Navy had us strap them onto our faces and marched us into a little building. We stood there a few minutes listening to a lecture on the particular masks we were wearing, and then ordered to remove them. The building was filled with tear gas.

It was an experience some of the students who were here last Halloween can relate to. Nasty stuff.
I hated wearing the damned thing, until I took it off. Then I wanted it back on. Breathing was much easier with it on. I've worn it quite a few times since that day as the Navy held drills aboard my ship to simulate chemical attacks. When we were in the Persian Gulf, we kept our masks handy. Awake, they were in a pouch strapped to our waists. When we slept, they were right next to our pillows. It was not a fun way to live.

Now people all over the country are buying them faster than draft beer on quarter-a-glass night. With no idea what they're getting.

Yes, they can be effective - assuming a few things. First, are you wearing it correctly? It's not a Halloween mask; you don't just stick on your face and go trick or treating. It needs to be adjusted, and it should fit tightly.

Uncomfortably.

Bad if you're even a little claustrophobic.

How old is the cartridge?  Those things don't last forever.  I suppose having an out-of-date cartridge is better than nothing, but if it gets too old it may be good for little more than a dust filter.  Once you break the seal on the original container, the clock starts running much quicker before the cartridge is useless.

What about the rest of your body?  We had these really stylish suits we wore with the mask, designed to keep the bugs and chemicals off our bodies.  Since some chemicals can attack or be absorbed through the skin, they incorporated a layer of activated charcoal.

Finally, how much advance warning will you have?  Our drills assumed we had advance warning of a probable attack.  If you have already been exposed, it's too late.  Biological weapons can take a few days to cause symptoms. 

Chemical agents cause injury immediately, and unless you have your mask before the attack occurs, you're a casualty.

The run on gasmasks is just another sign we're still dancing to the terrorists' tune.  This is just the kind of thing they want - we're still overreacting, worrying about what might never happen instead of the things we should be worrying about.

Like how to keep some respectable distance between the lips of my niece and those of some young, would-be suitor.  OK, now THAT'S a good use for a gasmask.