Chain Letters and Virus Hoaxes

My fellow Netizens and Cybernauts, gather round whilst I tackle a few burning issues: Nutrasweet does NOT cause Lupus or Multiple Sclerosis, reading email entitled "Penpal Greetings," "Good Times," "Irina," "Deeyenda," or "Join the Crew" will NOT eat your hard drive, and that little boy (or girl) dying of cancer not only is not going to get a cent from the American Cancer Society, he (or she) doesn't even exist.

My electronic inbox has gone through spasms, and it seems the Internet is again convulsing and spitting up these little gems. Some of them are new, and while I guess I could appreciate the originality of the authors, they are over-shadowed by the old, worn out hoaxes and chain letters. Let's take a cyber prybar and seem if we can't separate fact from Urban Legend.

Starting with the dying little boy (or girl, depending on the letter), the author claims that if this letter is sent around the world, for each name the letter is sent to, the Cancer Society will "donate three cents toward the child's treatment and recovery plan." Gosh, that sounds good. And it's so easy to be a part of something good. Bunk! Again, I say, BUNK! Ask yourself, how will the American Cancer Society know if you've forwarded a message forwarded to you from a friend who was forwarded the message from a friend, who was forwarded a message… You get the picture. Many times, the message has been forwarded so many times it takes a Pentium II running at 350mHz 30 minutes to scroll past all the address headers. And no one, once the message leaves their outbox, can tell how many people receive it from there.

A similar message, one that I have to admire the originality of, claims to have originated either from Bill Gates or Walt Disney, Jr. It depends on the variation of the scam you have received. In either case, the author claims to be testing a new Microsoft email-tracking program. The Bill Gates version promises $1,000 and a free copy of Windows 98 to everyone on the list should the email be sent to at least 1,000 persons. The Disney version makes a promise of a free Disney vacation AND money from Bill, should the email reach a certain number of people. Folks, it cannot be done. Despite the fact that at least two or three of the people claim that they called Disney and confirmed it, it's no more real than the ghosts in Disney's Haunted Mansion.

Then there are the innumerable virus warnings. They usually read something like this:

VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION, PLEASE READ!

There is a computer virus that is being sent across the Internet. If you receive an email message with the subject line "Deeyenda", DO NOT read the message, DELETE it immediately!

The message usually goes on to say that if you read the effected email, it will eat your hard drive, destroy your computer, and then send itself to everyone in your email address book. The note usually quotes the FCC or some other government agency as having issued the warning, lending credence to it. Finally, it will include a plea that you send it to everyone you know so that no one will be hurt by it.

I'm only going to say this once, so pay attention: READING EMAIL CANNOT HARM YOUR COMPUTER IN ANYWAY. The only way that a virus can be sent via email is by attached file. Getting the virus onto your computer would require two deliberate acts by you. First you would have to download the attached file, then you would have to install or execute it. Email is simply text; there is no application there to run. The attached files are the hazard, and you should never, I repeat NEVER download a file sent by someone you do not know and trust. Even then, the prudent Netizen will do a virus scan before installing or opening any attached files sent by anyone.

Why are these bogus messages and warnings proliferating? Mostly, it seems, as a gag to try and choke the internet with excessive amounts of email. The internet has limited resources; that's why sometimes it seems to take forever to load the same page that loaded so quickly two days ago. If you send a chain letter to ten people, and each of them send it to ten people, and each of them send it… and so on, it has the potential to overwhelm some servers.

So, here's a tip from your ol' Uncle Oz, stop forwarding this stuff. If it shows up, look at it and delete it. It can't hurt you or your computer. But if you forward it to me, I just might.

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